The tale ofJHOANAN!
by Smoogi
Summary: A stupid girl gets trampled by a herd of Gir fans, and due to a concussion and extreme stupidity, she attempts to become Jhonen Vasquez himself! Beware...JHOANAN! I am sorry...forgive me...
1. A beggining

Note: Most of this was inspired by Raven Evil Weasel Mistress's Letters from fangirls. She is brilliant and I love her humorous stories. The thought was that people write so many letters to Jhonen, wouldnt it be funny if a few of them wanted to be him? Something I really do not doubt...He could start a successfull cult if he wanted to. And mabey if he updated his livejournal a bit more, but im sure he has his reasons. And should we really be interested in his life as much as his work? It just seems a bit dissrespectfull the way Ive seen people act, Gir fans reciting quotations like its the bibble or something. Nnny fans overusing the words moose, spork, and shaming the comic. It really is insane.

_Dear Diary,_

_My life...is so empty right now. I think I am going to kill myself, because my bleak existence in this place is so...horible_

"HEY! Michelle! Does horrible have one R or two?" A girl of 15 was sitting on the ground, absentmindedly chewing on a pen. In her hands she held a small pink book, with random anime doodles covering the front.

"Uhh, I think its only got one. Why?"

"Oh no reason. Im just writeing in my diary about how my day went."

She didnt notice the pen had exploded in her mouth, and black ink now coated her lips and tounge. "Your day was horrible?" The tall blonde woman raised an eyebrow at her friend. "Well, its your day is about to get even worse." She pointed to her face, her lower jaw now crimsion black. "GOD DAMMIT!" She spit angirly and ran to the bathroom. Michelle could hear her cursing and swearing over the running water, nothing new. Countless times she had warned her about her pen chewing habits.

"You okay Amy?" She opend her black purse and extracted some makup, smothering her skin with it while she waited. Checking the mirror, she siged and tried unsucessfully to hide the zits with pale coverup. Finnaly, when Amy returned, only a faint color of gray remained stained on her chin. "Gimmie that when your done, alright?"

"Yeah yeah, but I still have to do my eyeliner."

"Hurry or my brother wont drive us to the mall."

Their flat conversation of makup and malls drifted down the hallway and through the door to a small bedroom. Inside an older boy of 17 lay on his bed, feet kicking in the air behind him while he read his favorite comic. He rolled his eyes at their idle conversation and reached over to turn on the stereo, making a angry noise as he did so. A second later a mellow song rolled out of the speakers and filled the room, its lyrics slow and sad. Not exactly what he had wanted to listen to, but it drowned out the two bimbos in the next room. He shrugged and flipped the page, aparently enjoying the dialouge the small book portrayed.

After a while, he began to hum along with the tune. His eyes got cloudy and drifted to the open window. The soft piano melody made his fingers twitch to play. Yet he still remained on the bed, not quite ready to leave the comfort of his room, not quite ready to face reality yet. He closed his eyes and moved the book aside, resting his head in its place on the pillow. He wasnt ready to get up and drive his sister to the mall, he wasnt ready to listen to them complain of the condition of his car. It was moments like these, relaxed moments of peace that he treasured. Times when he could think, and his head war swarming with thoughts.

When the song ended, another one started up. It was a custom CD, and this one was fast paced with guitars and computerized beeps and incerpts. He rolled on his back, resting his arm over his eyes. "I cant wait for you to shut me up and make me hip like bad ass" He sang along with the song; it was one of his favorites.

"VIRGIN EARS!" His thoughts were interupted by his little sister, tromping into his room with her friend.

"What?"

"I said, I have virgin ears! So please watch your language!"

"Oh please, your ears are the only part of you thats virgin. What do you want?"

"Uh, HELLOO! Earth to Mark, you said you would drive us!"

"Oh...right..."

He had compleatly forgotten about the mall, absorbed in his thoughts and his music. Reluctantly, he got up and streatched. "What were you doing anyway?" Amy said, folding her arms as if it was the end of the world. "Reading."

"Please, people who read are so stupid." Michell flipped her blonde hair and laughed.

"Yeah if you say so. Go get in the car."

Note: Not quite in the meat of the story yet, sorry folks. Try next chapter... OH and the music he was listening to in his room, the first song was supposed to be Gary Jules Mad World, its such a beutifull song, and the second one was Mindless Self Indulgence's Shut Me Up. And now that I remember it, I do beleive Jhonen Directed a music Vidio for that very song. And It it THE MOST AMAZEING thing ive EVER SEEN EVER!


	2. Gir fans vs JV

Note: ALRIGHT so I have no idea where I am right now, and this storyline is taking longer then I thought. It was supposed to be just a oneshot, but saddly I just cant stop typing! Im sure your all weeping, for I am not dead yet. BUT! In this chapter you can taste the delicious onset of a plotline, and minor insanity from THE MAN. For those of you not sure of who THE MAN is, stop reading now and go beat yourself. You deserve it.

Outside the sun shone brightly down on the fairly old car, heating everything inside it to scalding temperatures. Ensuring that whoever leaned against it would burn their hands, and trying to buckle your seatbelt would surely scorch you. The two girls bobbed side by side, linking arms but keeping enough distance to not be confused as lovers. "Why are you wearing a scarf? Its the middle of summer." Mike unlocked the car door and slid inside.

"Because I just bought it last week and they said it might get windy today."

"Lies! You dont even watch the news!"

"It might though," Amy said, her head down.

Mike sighed, turning the radio station as he drove. Their werent alot of cars on the road, surprisingly.

"So then he was like 'Im not emo' and then I was like 'Uh yeah you tottaly are'"

"And thats why you broke up with him? Amy I never thought he was emo..."

"Shut up stupid of corse he was." MichelI looked slightly hurt by this remark." I couldnt have been seen with him and all those cuts on his arm. Now I have to find a new boyfriend before he gets a new girlfriend."

"Get out..." Mike gritted his teeth, their talking slowly driving him insane. He sped away from the two girls, dumbfounded as to what made him so mad.

"Dude, whats got him so pissed?" Michell swung her black purse as she walked. "I dont know hes such a loser I dont care." "Is he always so mad like that?" The strode past a hot topic and stopped for a smoke next to the bookstore. "Yeah. Cause you know why? Cause hes..." Amy stopped mid sentence. Her mouth hung open, her eyes wide. Infront of her stood a giant poster of GIR. And next to that poster was a man at a small table, surrounded by fangirls and fanboys, screaming insanely overused quotes and adorable gestures. The man looked, tierd,frightend, and as if he had soiled himself. He kept running his hand through his cherry red hair, his eyes shifting left and right, fearing a sudden attack/assasination from the crowd. She gawked at him. "Oh...MY...GOD! ITS GIIIIRRRR!" She ran to the store and into the crowd of fans, pushing people aside and stepping on the elderly. "Ummm, okay..." A rather bewilderd Michelle stood outside the bookstore, feeling very out of place.

Once she had reached the table with the man she could see that he was surrounded by Invader Zim action figures, mainly those of Gir. "Hi umm my name is Amy and are you the guy who made Gir!" She bounced up and down infront of the terrified man behind the desk.

"GOD YES OKAY! YES! I MADE GIR! I DID THIS! WHY OH WHY WOULD I EVER MAKE SUCH A HORRIFIEING CULT ATTRACTING CREATURE!" The crown got eerily silent at his relentless screaming. "I dont even like malls! I jsut came here for some dipping dots (Ice cream of the fuuuture!) and next thing I know Im being dragged in here and forced to sign DVD's and actuon figures and people asses! PEOPLE WANT ME TO SIGN THE ASSES! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" The man ran out of the store, through the awwed people and promptly flung himself down the escalator and caught fire. None of them should have been surprised, the way they had been acting was enough to drive anyone to spontanious combustion, and they quickly rushed out of the store, many sure they would catch the elusive Jhonen again. Amy, and a group of other people ran out after him screaming about moose. In the mad rush, she tripped over her scarf and was trampled by the many fans.

Note: Okay so I could tottaly see EVERYTHING IN THIS CHAPTER HAPPENING! And god dammit I dont like Amy! I hate her! Im glad she was trampled! And I dont like Michell cause shes stupid. But I do like Mike, cause for all his JTHM loving MSI listening to, he seems to be the most normal of them all.


End file.
